come out already

so i got a new job. common knowledge. not so common knowledge? i work with the biggest closet case i have ever seen. swear to god. this boy is 19, so i give him a little bit of credit for being scared to reveal. but he has gone as far as to date the boss' daughter to try and prove his heterosexuality. they broke up last week after 5 months of dating. shocker. here are my reasons for believing he is gay:

1. he hates home depot
2. loves armani. people know him by name there
3. ex-girlfriend's family thinks he is gay
4. reads maxim for the articles
5. probably does the same with playboy
6. talks gay (you ALL know wht i mean when i say that)
7. bitches CONSTANTLY
8. i know many gay people.

now please don't think i have any problems with gay people. my life's ambition is to have a gay best friend, will and grace style. love it. my cousin is gay. he is my most favorite person in the whole entire world. i just think this kid will be so much happier and less anal (no pun intended) if he takes one large flying leap out of the closet known as denial.

traveling sucks

airports suck. atlanta sucks. philadelphia sucks. u.s. air sucks. delta sucks. bad. real bad. do you understand, or at least see where i am going with this incessant rambling? i am sorry if i've offended ANYONE who has ANYTHING to do with the things listed above that suck; well, not really, because i am still that mad (ask my friends, this happened 2 weeks ago and i am still. talking. about it.). to make a really, really long story short, here goes:

• my flight was delayed
• my flight was cancelled
• my bags were lost
• my bags were returned THREE days later
• my flight was cancelled again
• my bags were lost again
• my bags were returned TWO days later

do you see why i am so mad? or at least see where i am coming from? moral of this shitty story? drive. everywhere. everytime. this is my plan, at least. or until i buy a plane. and a pilot. i have already started saving.

It’s probably just me…but…

I can’t help but be skeptical of the “type what you see here (case sensitive)” security measure. I’m sure some IT wiz is snorting with disgust at this very moment, but I’m unable to comprehend how/why it is effective.

Not to mention…have you ever been prompted by this “security measure” only to realize you have no idea what the hell crazy letters they want you to type?

Sometimes it’s worth being the sober one

(1am - front door slams open)
Shan: “What’s going on?! Why is it dark?”
Kris: “I think the power is out”
Shan: “But whhhyyyy are the lights not working”
Kris: “‘cause I think the power is out”
(Scuffle, bang, scuffle, boom)
Shan: “The bathroom lights don’t even work”
Aubrey: (in bed, sober, giggling my ass off)
Shan: “I wanna watch TeeeeeeeVeeeeeeeee. [Profanity!] I’m calling Georgia Power.”
Shan: (on speaker phone with GA power) “[indecipherable slurring about her inability to watch television]”
GA Power: “Ma’am, your area is experiencing severe storms and tornados, your power won’t be restored for a couple hours.”
Shan: “Oh.”
Aubrey: (in bed, sober, still giggling my ass off)

Dumber by the Day

Have you ever been on an elevator and when the doors open you can’t remember if you’re supposed to let the people in or get out first?

No?

I didn’t think so. Damn.