What would you for a…?

My *favorite* co-worker just walked in my office and handed me a Klondike bar.

I was so genuinely happy you’d have thought he just handed me an enchanted Eskimo that would grant me three wishes.

Sometimes we all just need a messy ice cream bar coated in a thin chocolate shell.

When sexy goes wrong

Sexy: escaping the party to make-out in a field

Not Sexy: making-out on an empire of the most vicious fire ants east of the Mississippi

You can imagine the repercussions.

how girls are like boys

i had a conversation with some girl friends yesterday that made me think: girls are like boys more than we think girls are like boys. take the following convo for example:

friend 1: i can't believe i had sex last night. the guy didn't even ask for my phone number when he left this morning.

friend 2: well, just add that to the notch on the never-ending belt.

friend 1: god i know.

friend 2: and you should've had sex with that boy in boston.

friend 1: god i know.

friend 2: how many people do you think you've had sex with?

friend 1: no idea. you?

friend 2: no idea. jesus christ.

point proven?

ex-boyfriends

let me begin by saying this: ex-boyfriends suck. i know the last few posts have been about how things suck. maybe i'm a little bitter. in general. anyway, i wish there was some sort of technology that existed that would allow you all to listen to the message that i received on my cell phone recently. from my ex-boyfriend. we broke up in october. of 2004. anyways, we haven't talked in 2 months. we talked quite frequently after the break-up, and had the occasional sleepover, but never had talks of getting back together. their are many, MANY reasons for this statement, none of which are even worth the time it would take to write. he calls me last monday night around 1am. leaves me this message about how he regrets that it didn't work out with us, but that he has met someone else, but he will always love and care about me, and hopes we can get together soon. the kicker, as if that shit isn't bad enough? he's moving back to new york in a few weeks. you'd think i'd be sad, a little nostalgic maybe. but this same exact story is what lured me in 2 months ago to have "goodbye sex" with him. recall the sex and the city ep. i could lie and tell you that i told myself he's not worth it and write him off in my mind. however, i'm not a liar. i fell for it. again. am i pathetic? am i an emotional wreck? do i miss him? do i want him back? absolutely not. i am a girl, living just the way i'd imagined, just trying to get a little sex from the ex.

The scariest thing I’ve ever viewed on television (and I’ve seen “The Surreal World” before)

Teletubbies. Apparently this show has been around for years, but seeing as I avoid children like genital warts, I’ve never actually witnessed this disturbing phenomenon.

I took the trusty civic to Jiffy Lube today (just hit 100k and still runnin’ like a champ!) and while I was waiting in the “customer waiting area,” I was subjected to these colorful blobs of insanity. Honestly parents, if you can call yourself “parents,” how could you let your children watch this?! They don’t speak! They just gyrate and make weird sounds. And kids crowd around the television and stare like lobotomized monkeys; which leads me to believe its encoded with subliminal messages telling them to go bother the child-less lady sitting in the corner at every commercial break.

Luckily, I escaped relatively unscathed…but I’m going to have nightmares about sunshine and baby heads for a long time to come.